Hmmmm,

 

once again I find myself in a bad mood.

 

It always starts off like this, I get moody, and I get more sarcastic than usual, more people off. Get paranoid, get depressed. For example Im sure that my girlfriend came offline and cut the convo i was havin with her on purpose..I feel responsible for my friend not havin a uni to go to..im sure im burdening you all with this pointless blog, and i will probably trigger off a lot people asking "are you ok" and the rest of it.

 

Its so annoying. I cant be around anyone at times like this. I get vulnerable and open up about a lot more cos I think fuck it...to hell with the consequences, cos at that moment it cant get any worse, and I have a major lack or respect for people and their views. I get real personal because I want people to feel as bad as I am feeling...difference is...I dunno why I feel how I feel, but I dont see why others should be happy. Its selfish, I know, but I get always follow the same format. (Atleast Im not cutting anymore).

 

Once again I want to leave where I am, but now its so meaninless its like what am I leavin now...Ive left home already, Ive left uni (for the summer), ive left friends that i had before...but the feel stays...why?

 

It leads me to believe that my assumptions are founded insofar that I believe that I will not get married or form any longterm meaninful relationship with anyone, as no one can stand me for too long, because I know that I will push them to breaking point just so that I can prove my point and then paint myself the victim because of it. But for now thats not the issue. I feel fine for a minute then I get pissed off again.

 

I dunno where Im going with this, but I thought it was best that I release on here...see if I feel any better after it...